Sewsuke

The games have begun, and I forgot to mention it! My bad!

http://www.sew.castleparadox.com/drawordie/

(basically it's an attempt to draw at least 1 thing a day to keep productive.)

Whee~

I saw The Hush Sound, Motion City Soundtrack and Panic at the Disco.. But I really don't like Panic. At all.

It was fun anyway. Pictures later.

This is a lot harder than it really should be.

Here's most of the images from the drive out here.

I have moved to Washington! Vancouver WA, which is like.. seconds away from Portland. It's great up here, really. At least it's a great change from Oklahoma. Back in Oklahoma, I lived one hour from the nearest city (actually "The City", what Oklahoma City is referred to as), but here I'm five minutes tops away from town. I somehow live in the country, but after traveling just a few miles an entire city pops out of no where, as if oblivious to where I'm staying.

I am not going to college. Not yet anyway. I want to make comics and I always have. Sadly, every publisher in the world tells me that a college degree won't get me any closer to job.. And since an art college costs so goddamn much in the first place, I think I'm going to try this no college thing for at least a year. If I feel I haven't made any progress in that time, I'll puss out and go try and get a web design degree or something. But I still refuse to give up on that childhood comic booking makin' dream.

I'll upload pictures soon of the 31 hour drive I had to make to get here, and some pictures of the lovely place I'm staying at the for the time being. Eventually I'll have to get a job, but I think I'll wait a week or so and get as much drawing and the like done as possible.

More later.

OH and the other night I accidentally left a new Mountain Dew out and open sitting by my computer when I went to bed right? The next day when I woke up I was about to throw it away when I realized it was still very cold. So I tried it, right? Tasted fresh. This place is so chilly that it can keep open beverages cold when they're just sitting out in the open. God bless America!

I have a crush on Helena Bonham Carter. I wish she'd do more things.

Oh fuck, I have a Live Journal

The Sketchbook.

also SDHawk Games.

~Sew

I watched Conqueror of Shambala today. Hard to believe I've been waiting to see it for over a year now, even though the first month of waiting seemed like a year. Though, distracting myself to the point where I just plain forgot about it helped. The movie was excellent in the fact that it does resolve the series better than the end of the series actually did, which is all I really wanted. So now I can die happy. Even though I'd frankly really like to see the Nana Movie, which comes out in what, March? Fun stuff.

I also submit that this is awesome. Hachi linked to it, he's cool. Most of the time, anyway.

Gotta finishing a painting, or two.

~Sew

Been keeping busy. Started and finished watched all 13 episodes of Serial Experiments Lain today. Kinda weird, but after all the hype, I was expecting something.. a little weirder. Hard to explain.

Guitar Hero is one of the best video game induced seizures ever. Travis, Ashley and I took turns playing the game on career mode saturday until about 4:30 am. It was just that fun. The negatives about this game are that it can ruins songs you once liked (due to the fact that if you're on a hard mode and aren't doing so hot you'll hear it about 1000 times before finally either giving up or beating it) and that there are a few of the songs I liked that I cannot find anywhere, which is upsetting and rather odd. Farewell Myth or The Breaking Wheel, anyone?

The game got even more interesting tonight when Travis broke the the whammy bar (during a roll maneuver, no less), and during an attempt to fix it, I decided to try and play with a normal ps2 controller. It wasn't that easy at first, but once I got the hang of it I wasn't that bad. Beat about 4 songs on hard mode with it, but I still perfer the guitar. He never got the bar fixed, but when he put the guitar back together we had some fun playing multiplayer.

This weekend, namely friday night and saturday morning, I watch all 13 episodes of Haibane Renmei. A long long time ago I had seen the first 6 episodes of it but couldn't find the last 7. I'm glad I finally got around to watching them all though, because it was rather interesting. The ends justify the means with this piece of animation, and even though a lot of it was only inferred, I'd still recommend finishing it if enjoy the first episode. Although it's far too difficult to explain the series without butchering it, so you'd really just have to take my word on it.


Um.

Shit.

~Sew

I could sit here and try to explain the flash I just posted, but it just isn't worth it. I'd much rather discuss things like my artwork or songs I can't get out of my head. But let's skip all the boring technique and get straight to the issues. Assuming of course that I even have some.

My English class, which I swear is a special class I got tricked into, started reading A Midsummer Night's Dream. Sadly, that sentence is a bit of a stretch. I really believe half the class to be illiterate at this point, but I saw it coming. I tried to cox as many of the.. 'smarter' people in that class to take big roles so it would completely blow. And trust me, with this bunch of kids being able to read Shakespeare's name without a stutter or whisper is 'smart'. Having read the play before, I went for the big role of Demetrius, a decision I'm starting to regret as Hermia, Helena, and Lysander are being read by.. some of the worse off people in said class. Even so, the longer we take reading the story the more time I get to sit around in third hour doing jack shit (making it just like my second, fifth, sixth (usually), and seventh hours).

The lunch I once spoke of looking forward to is now becoming filled with more animosity than ever. Not to say I don't look forward to it, I mean hell, it's lunch for god's sake. But this may be the price you have to pay to sit a half-male/half-female table. Sometimes you don't even know who's mad at who, but even then you don't care, you just want someone to talk to because psych fifth hour can be boring as fuck.

I think I'm angry now. : (

~Sew

I finished it, so try to enjoy. : (

~Sew

I hate flash

But I'll finish it later. Like tonight.

~Sew

I never finished ( this picture )
..and I really need to. The soft hints of blue make it look very.. soft and hint-y.

I can't stand my english class, really. If it wasn't for Sarah being in that class with me, sitting behind me, I might go insane. During the 9 weeks I wasn't sitting by her, I think I did lose it. I'm not really sure what 'it' is, but when you're surrounded by people who are.. pretty.. well, fucking-retarded for an hour every day, something will eventually snap. Sadly, it's never their necks.

Today in my english class we got back a few aptitude tests we had taken earlier in the year. The basic idea for mine was that I'm bad at math, show interest in arts, and of course, the personality portion:



That's not the Sew I know. The Sew I know is very Social and orderly. 100% Practical, and so accepting it hurts.

Gyakuten Saiban 3, Gyakuten Saiban 3, Gyakuten Saiban 3~! I had planned to write up a whole summary of why this game is amazing. But I really don't feel like it right now, so I probably will later. But I will say that a key point of awesomenesss is that the game actually makes you feel 'smart' for figuring things out the first time. But instead of getting into all that I'll just beg for money, or a free DS. Anyone want to send me a DS and Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney? :D

I had a shit load more to write about, I swear I did.

I.. swear..

I..

~Sew

Ah, a live-journal. What did I ever do without one.

It wasn't to horribly long ago that I reformatted my computer for no real reason. Sure, there's something that makes a person feel a little bit safer known they have removed everything from their system and kept only the most important things, the things closest to their hearts. It also instills that feeling of doubt and panic, "Did I forget to back something up..?" or "What if the data burned wrong?". These weren't a big deal for me this time, though. After recently setting up a network in my humble home I decided to move all the files I wanted to back up to my grandfather's computer; A whole 33 gigs of crap. And since he has a 34 gig harddrive with no hope of ever filling, it seemed the perfect place to house my scads of information.

Unfortunately I have ran into a few problems since I the reformat. Some being that my computer doesn't want to play Midi files, and nor did it come with MSPaint (I just stole a copy from my grandfather's computer). And another computer issue emerged this weekend. My internet refused to work, and the cable company couldn't send someone out to fix it until today.

Even though my weekend involved a great many things, most of them aren't really worth noting. Travis stayed over the entire time in an attempt to make up for not showing up/calling me on my birthday. We went walking in the cold, among other things. Nothing exciting, but I'm more of a laid back kinda guy anyway (More than evident by my lack of friends:) ).

Sealab 2021 is taking another strong toll on my heart strings. Every episode, even the not-so-funny ones, make me smile in nostalgia. Libertad para Debbie Negra!

~Sew

Wait, somewhere between the 23rd and 31st I missed a beat. Let's pick up the pieces of what I can recall, together.

Friday night my father's girlfriend came to pick me up. He was still working and wouldn't be off until a lot later, and she had to do some last minute Christmas shopping. We had an interesting conversation on the way to there house, which is about.. 20 or so minutes away. His girlfriend seems nice, and I'm glad. What's more, they seem to get along pretty well, so it's nice to know he might have a second third chance.

Of course the high-point of this visit was getting to see my father. Out of all the people I've ever met in my entire life, no one can make me laugh nearly as much as he can. It's ridiculous. He has also, indirectly, had the biggest effect on my life. It's a story I don't really feel like telling, but in a round-about way, it's his fault I got so interested in drawing. And after they went to bed at 12:25-ish, I stayed up to watch a Christmas Story. The movie never gets old, and the family seems more real every time. I have a particular affection for the mother. She seems so.. mother-ly.

The entire visit was pretty much just jokes with my father. It was a hell of a time, and I remembered why I liked him in the first place. He's got an awesome personality. But alas, I had to get home before 6 on Saturday to open gifts and see more of my family. Not a lot of a gifts this year, but the biggest one I got is a very attractive 17 inch LCD monitor, which rapes the old 14" from three different angles. Before I left my father he gave me $50, which was nice. So after a night of family-gatherings on Christmas Eve, it was pretty much over.

On the 30th Noah stayed the night, and we went to the City. I spent all the money I had on all three seasons of Sealab 2021, and I don't regret it. A hilarious show for sure. Noah on the other hand, spent about $250 on a DS with Mario Kart, and bought M&L:PiT. Suffice to say I was playing his DS the whole way back. After we got home I tried to get the DS's WiFi to work with my router, but after a good 3 and a half hours of fucking with it and little to no progress, I gave up. Who needs WiFi anyway?

The 31st was New Years Eve, and of course my 17th birthday. I couldn't get ahold of Travis, despite having tried to call him all week. It ended up being just me and Noah for the most part, but Ashley was also here for a great deal of time. We played the role of nerds, the best role I can play. I also received quite a few phone calls, (Including from my mother, father, sibley, the ray-bunch, great-grandmother, and.. some other people I don't remember). If you didn't call me or wish me a happy birthday in some way shape or form, I'm never speaking to you again, ever. Because I hold grudges. And I'm a bitch.

I didn't get any gifts on my birthday, but I'm under the impression that I have a few coming. Not that it matters much to me.

~Sew

Happy birthday, old chum.

I've finally 'made the time' to dwell deeper into Nothing's Sacred, and I'll probably have it finished soon because A) It's an easy enough read, and B) It's very interesting. So anyone who was looking to borrow it, heads up, because the time is coming. Truth be told, I should have read it a long time ago but kept putting it off for some reason.

Speaking of putting things off, I started playing Aria of Sorrow again today. Another one of those things I wish I would have got too sooner. So far (and I'm not really sure how far into it I really am) it's presented brilliantly. My only problem with it lies with the dialogue, which isn't really that much of a problem since dialogue in this game doesn't happen too horribly often. I've always been a big fan of Symphony of the Night, but I think I might like AoS better. (I just beat Legion (the corpse monster) for anyone interested)

Anywho, about to leave for the night.

~Sew

Christmas grows closer and I can't decide if that's a good or bad thing. For the most part my Christmas-time troubles have been dealt with, but maybe not as smoothly as I would have liked them to be.

On monday after school let out at noon I went to go eat with Travis, Sarah, and Corrine (sp?). It was really fun, Sarah is hilarious and quite the awesome friend. We never really get to do things together after school, but she rocks when we are together. People are always giving me crap about her, you know, along the lines of "you should date her" or "you two would make a cute couple". It's as though people think because we both have red hair we'd make a good couple. The more amusing thing is apparently Sarah's mother has been known to give her crap about dating me from time to time. But we're not interested in each other like that. Travis, however, does seem to be interested in Corrine. No doubt for all the wrong reasons, but still.

After we got done eating, we drove around for a little while, then Sarah dropped Travis and me off at my house. We had plans to go to the city with Noah, but since it was snowing kinda hard, I had to convince my grandfather that we'd be safe on the trip. Near impossible, but I somehow pulled it off. So soon after Noah showed up we were on our way. I had plans to start and finish my Christmas shopping on this trip. I had three people to buy for: My mother, my brother, and my father. But I soon remembered that my father never accepts gifts from me anyway, so I marked him off the list and was left with my mother and brother. Once we got to the mall, I bought my mother the third season of the Flintstones (she's collecting because she's awesome) and my brother the third season of Aqua Teen Hunger Force (he isn't collecting but he'll like it anyway or else). Then I used some of my non-Christmas money to buy the first volume of Nana. In all, I had a pretty good time in the city (mainly because I was with awesome people), but I wish we would have had more time/money to spend there, but thus is life, and maybe next time.

After tests ended on tuesday I went to go eat Chinese food with Travis, Ethan, and Noah. When we finished eating Travis brought his computer over to my house so I could attempt to fix it, but his motherboard is definitely fried, so there's nothing I could do for it. My cousins were over at my house too, so I got to spend the day with them. And actually, the night too, because they stayed over. We played monopoly once and somehow lost. I felt shamed, but whatever. At least I wasn't in last place.

On Wednesday I finished my poster board painting. I really don't know what to do with it now, I just know that it's finished. It was the only painting of all the ones I did that's actually 'extra'. My grandmother said she wanted it, but I refused. I know she really has no appreciation for my artwork because she shows no real interest in it. She just wants another painting to brag about to her friends, or whatever it is she does with them. And I'm not really fond of painting anyway. Either way, I'll try to get some pictures of the painting before I decide what to do with it. I can actually think of one person I do owe something nice, but I have no idea how I'd send it to him.

Today I went to my real grandmother's for christmas. I gave her an Ink project I was working on for Christmas. She really liked it, and I was very happy to see her face light up when she opened it. My brother was supposed to show up too. Before I left for clinton my mother and I stopped by my brother's house to see if he was there. I told her to wait in the car and I went inside to look around for him. He was there, but said he had completely forgot about going to my grandmother's today. I was pissed, I had stopped by just the other day to remind him. I pushed his arm and noticed that it was very fluid and he showed no resistance at all. I asked him if he had forgotten before or after he went drinking. He gave me a very awkward look. Then I told him that he better go and see her tomorrow or I wouldn't give him his Christmas gift. He agreed. It really doesn't surprise me that he forgot. He smokes just a little too much to remember short-term things for very long.

Tomorrow night I'm going to stay the night with my father and be back around 5-ish Saturday.

After my previously mentioned 'unstable fit' with Noah, I had another one. One that was a little more long and a little more weird, but less 'violent'. You know the feeling you get when you talk to someone you really like? It's stronger than 'butterflies' and not the same as the thrill from a roller coaster. I had that feeling when anyone would say anything. It felt like my insides were being twisted around over and over again. Worse still, when talking to someone I do really like, the feeling got to be unbearable. I suppose I had just worried myself to my own breaking point with a lot of little things that weren't that important. Or maybe there's a larger underlying problem that I'm still unaware of.

~Sew

A few days ago my dad called me and asked me what I was doing on Christmas. I told him I didn't know, because that's the truth, and he asked me if I wanted to go see him. I told him I'd have to find out what my grandparents were planning before I could tell him if I would or not. But truth be told, I really don't want to go see him for Christmas. I haven't seen my father since the end of July, right after I got my permit. He said he'd try to call and see me more on that day, but he hasn't made much of an effort from the way I see it. I'm seriously not sure if he even deserves the right to see me. No, that's a bad way of putting it. Sadly, it's the only way I can think of right now.

Yesterday Noah told me we should hang out today, and I said cool. And I was looking forward to it. But today he didn't say anything about it until about 6:45-ish.. and I told him just to forget it. Because for the first time in a long, long time, I feel rather unstable. Something about not confirming to me that he was or wasn't going to come over set something off in me. All I wanted was a 'are we still on for tonight?' or 'sorry I won't be able to show up'. Something. Anything. And I figured out why it bothered me so much. It reminds me of all the times my father said he'd show up and didn't. All the times he promised me and then never showed up. It wouldn't bother me so much if he would have called, and it wouldn't have bother me so much if Noah would have just told me something. So I just got upset and started randomly and seriously going off on people, which is something I haven't done for many many years. It didn't last very long though, maybe 30 minute before I collected myself again. I still felt like shit, but I was at least somewhat stable.

Another thing that's been causing me stress lately is all the art projects I've taken on and had forced upon me. I have roughly 12 paintings or so to finish, 9 of them before Christmas. On top of that I have a couple of pixelation projects to do, one pending and another I'm just very, very, very slow about working on. This is why a new Train page isn't out, and I hate to say this, especially so early in, but it might be a little while. Train shouldn't feel like work, and I don't want to force it to be work.

After my 30 minutes of insanity I went to go take a shower. While I was in the shower Kristin called wanting to talk to me, but since I was in the shower she said she'd call back. So when I got out of the shower and my grandparents told me she called I was kinda happy. It used to be a weird kind of fun staying up and talking to her. I figured I'd try to call her so she wouldn't have to call me back. My breathing was still heavy from earlier so I laid down on my bed to dial. No answer. At this point I felt kinda tired and closed my eyes for just a second when the phone rang. I answered it, it was Kristin. But to my dismay instead of a desire to talk to me, it was concern for Ashley. Apparently he had stormed out of church in a manner most vile. She wanted to know if he had gotten home yet, and I told her I hadn't heard from him. She asked me to call her back when he got home, because Michelle's mother was worried. I told her 'okay' and she hung up.

Later Ashley finally got home and came over. He told me he stormed out, and I can't say I blame him for leaving (especially because it was a church). His reasons for leaving are a little too confusing to get into now, and I probably never will. It's kinda unimportant in the long run anyway.

All these things together caused me instability for a short amount of time. My dad, Noah, art, romance. Just typical teen shit.



~Sew

Inspired by Melissa but applicable in my own life

(The image is kinda small so I doubled the size if you click on it. Not the best quality, I can't believe I made it so small..)

~Sew

Just some art. A real update soon.

( Artz )

~Sew

If you were a vampire (ie, you can live forever unless you're in the sunlight or stop eating), how long would you live for? Forever? Keep in mind that to continue you living you'll have to kill and suck the blood from at least one person ever week. Plus, to make this question more interesting, you cannot turn other people into vampires. This question came up between Alexander and me, and I went one way on it while he went the other.

I said that being able to live forever is something I wouldn't be able to bare. The thought of outliving everyone I know now, watching them die.. Then a few years later making new friends and watching them die. Over and over again. There would be a breaking point for me somewhere in there, where I wouldn't be able to bare it anymore. And I hate to say it this way, but after so many years (100, 200, or 300 maybe? Who knows) I would have to kill myself. Loneliness sucks, I've known this first hand. Before I got to the point where I wouldn't be able to care that everyone I cared about was dying, I would kill myself. Maybe in a romantic fashion, watching the sunrise from a hill.

He said that his passion for art and productivity would keep him alive. That he'd live to be productive, and he'd reach all his goals. He'd learn everything there was to know, forever. After he reaches all his goals, he'd set new goals, and reach them. Learning is a never ending process, and that's what his life would be.

Sadly, I personally care too much about a select group of people (but ironically have a funny way of showing it sometimes) to live life that way. I always thought one of the fun things about life was sharing your hopes and dreams with someone else. And even if I somehow did make it through everyone I know dying (and everyone I will know dying) and became apathetic to their deaths, I wonder how long I would procrastinate? How many years would it take me, and would it mean that much to me to become the best this or the best that? I'd have forever to get it right, and no one who cares about me cheering me on.

After asking a few people this same question (12), the odds were crazy. Only 2 thought like I think, and the other 10 were with Alexander. And I can't say I wouldn't try to live forever, I just find it very doubtful that I could manage. I mean, it would really effect me if some of the people I care deeply for would die right now, and I don't know how many times something like that would have to happen to me before I snapped.

~Sew

Finished page three of train.

( Train - 003 )

Expect more soon.

~Sew